DON CAYETANO VIRAY

This will be my last post on Don’s memorial Website. However, the Website itself will remain live. You will still be able to come on it and view the past posts, photos, and comments. But, one year has passed, and now it is time to look to the future, instead of hanging on to what I cannot change. Acceptance of death happens on our own time and it can happen even years from now. But it can only happen, if we allow it. So rather than looking backwards, I choose now to look ahead; though always with Don near my heart. To those who contact me via this Website, I’ll still be here and I will always reply to you. I just won’t post any more stories or photos going forward. There is nothing left to say. The memories will speak for themselves.

Sherry (Don’s sister) looks towards her brother’s grave. “Death is final. From one year to eternity, it is permanent. No amount of hours, days, weeks, or months of wishing and pleading while on the side of my brother’s grave will change the fact that he is physically gone. But as long as I live, he too will live, through me.”
-Sherry Viray (Don’s sister)

* * * * *

Don’s one year death anniversary has come and passed. On the afternoon of Friday, April 19, 2013, we remembered and honored Don with a grave site vigil. Sherry (Don’s sister) conducted the vigil, which had a letter reading, plus a couple of poems that were written for him were also read, a few words for Don were shared by the attendees, and it ended with a balloon release ceremony with our messages to Don tapped on. A song was also supposed to be sung, but sometimes emotions can get to the best of us. The vigil was a casual, solemn moment of reflection of Don life and eventual death.

True to form, half of Don’s family members came at the usual “Hawaii time” – an hour late. But thankfully there were those that showed up on time and were able to participate in the actual vigil. We were blessed to see that aside from our family there were also friends and members of Don’s unit/company that showed up.

After the vigil most of us stayed to “talk stories,” until we were kicked out of the cemetery when it closed. And those that stayed behind were treated to red velvet, white-chocolate cookies and taro-based mochi rice cake, which finally arrived with the late relatives. They were all eaten, by the way.

Maybe I wasn’t completely in the right frame of mind, but I thought I took a lot of photos. Turns out, I was just the photographer for other people’s cameras. And in the end, I only had a few taken on my own camera. I’m sorry to the many others whose photo I did not take. We thank you for attending. Here are the few photos that I did take with my own camera.

 The Hawaiian flower wreath we bought for Don’s one year death anniversary. Don’s urn, containing a later found body part (we received most of him in the Spring, but received this one in the Summer). We wanted all of Don to be in one place for his vigil. So, we brought it along to his grave site.  Leo (Don’s dad) looks at Don’s grave and urn.

Katherine (Don’s friend), Joy (Don’s girlfriend), Jaclyn (Don’s friend’s wife), and Irish (Don’s previous girlfriend).

Chase (Don’s pilot friend) and his guest.

Leo (Don’s dad) along with Don’s pilot friends: Rob, Hansen, and Justin.

This photo was taken a few weeks prior, but Samuel (in white) was also at the Don’s one year death anniversary vigil. He was one of many guests whose photos were not taken during the event. Sherry (Don’s sister) appears here, too.

The eldest member of Don’s family in Hawaii sits next to the grave of her grandson. The photo of Don seen here was placed inside the frame given to us by Anna Workman, the mother of Chris (another American hero that died with Don)

A very large, single white balloon was released taped with all of our messages to Don.

The poem Sherry (Don’s sister) complied for the balloon release:

“We are gathered here today
in a very special way.
We’re sending our
messages to Heaven.
To Don, who we’ve lost.
Letting him know he’s still in our hearts,
even though our paths will never again cross.
So now the time has come,
to release this balloon to the sky,
and up to our departed loved one,
waiting and watching from up high.”

Cora (Don’s aunt) was one of the late arriving relatives, but she did bring the food.

Sherry (Don’s sister) touches her brother’s headstone.

Some of Don’s family members and a friend.

“Shaka” – Don’s signature photo pose.

* * * * *

The Grave Site on the Day of the Vigil

The Grave Site the Day After the Vigil:
Many people brought flowers and leis. Someone even left Don a bottle of Blue Moon beer. So the day after the vigil, we cleaned up the grave site a little, and put flowers in vases, but took home the potted plants as they will assuredly be thrown away by cemetery caretakers.

To the person or people who laid two extra large American flags next to his headstone, we thank you for honoring our American hero. However, we want to tell you that the flags will be thrown away by cemetery caretakers, eventually. It’s against their many rules as it is way too big. But we’ve tried to blend them in with the other flowers so that they are not too conspicuous and hopefully, they’ll still be up for as long as possible.

Less than one percent of the United States total population serves in the military, and less than one percent of that one percent actually dies in the combat theater. We are the unlucky few – the survivors – of a terrible loss. Now we must learn to live with it.

Thank you for all the support.
Don will always be here, at his final resting place.
He’s waiting for you to visit him.

DON CAYETANO VIRAY
July 15, 1986 – April 19, 2012
Son. Brother. Soldier.

COMMENTS:
If you want to say something to Don or just want to leave a few words for his family, then please do leave a comment. This Website will remain live for as long as possible. You can comment as many times as you want as well as read the other comments people left behind. After which, we will print all the comments, and keep it with Don’s other memorabilia forever. Also note that the first post with 110 comments is full and can not accept anymore; please comment on the other posts.

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Drawing courtesy of
Michael G. Reagan Portrait Foundation of Fallen Heroes Project

Our sincerest “thank you” to the artist!

Today marks the one year anniversary of Don’s death. It is a somber and heartbreaking anniversary. But with friends and family on our side, we are making it through today.

“Please join Don’s immediate family (Leo, Luz, and Sherry) on (Friday, April 19, 2013), for a one year death anniversary grave site vigil for Don. It will be after the work day, but just before the cemetery closes (see sidebar for cemetery location) from 5:00 PM – 5:45 PM. Come and visit Don and stay for the vigil, if you can.”

COMMENTS:
If you want to say something to Don or just want to leave a few words for his family, then please do leave a comment. This Website will remain live for as long as possible. You can comment as many times as you want as well as read the other comments people left behind. After which, we will print all the comments, and keep it with Don’s other memorabilia forever. Also note that the first post with 110 comments is full and can not accept anymore; please comment on the other posts.

All comments must first be approved before going live.

It’s not been a year yet since Don was interred at Punchbowl National Cemetery back in May 10, 2012 and since that time many little trinkets and gifts have been left at his grave site.  While Punchbowl is one of the most beautiful national cemeteries, it also has a lot of rules, and one of which is not allowing unsecured items to be left at the grave site. If they see it, they will throw it away without question. But rest assured, all those that we find at Don’s grave site have been picked up, and kept with all his things in his private chest at home. We are always happy to see these things left behind. It lets us know Don is being visited, and visited often.

Some of the items we saved left at Don’s grave site.

“Don’t forget, tomorrow, please join Don’s immediate family (Leo, Luz, and Sherry) on (Friday, April 19, 2013), for a one year death anniversary grave site vigil for Don. It will be after the work day, but just before the cemetery closes (see sidebar for cemetery location) from 5:00 PM – 5:45 PM. Come and visit Don and stay for the vigil, if you can.”

COMMENTS:
If you want to say something to Don or just want to leave a few words for his family, then please do leave a comment. This Website will remain live for as long as possible. You can comment as many times as you want as well as read the other comments people left behind. After which, we will print all the comments, and keep it with Don’s other memorabilia forever. Also note that the first post with 110 comments is full and can not accept anymore; please comment on the other posts.

All comments must first be approved before going live.

Sun setting in Kona (Big Island), Hawaii.

As the sun sets on the Big Island (aka Hawaii Island), Sherry (Don’s sister) prepared to head to the top of Mauna Kea; the tallest volcano in the world and arguably the best site in the world to view the stars (but we think it’s a clear winner). At the top of this volcano are world-class observatories. Currently about eleven countries from around the world have telescopes up on Mauna Kea. In fact, a 30 meter telescope (owned by multiple countries) has just been approved and will be built there in the days ahead – it will be the largest of it’s kind.

Above the clouds, on Mauna Kea

Though it was misty and dark-ish down on sea level, by the time we got to the top of Mauna Kea, there was still some light above the clouds with no rain and mist. It was a desolate land. Very quiet. But also beautiful. A place to get some solace and reflect on Don’s death.

Then, the sun began to set up there, too. In the dark Sherry saw with her  own eyes (via telescope) Saturn with it’s many rings and Jupiter with it’s many moons and storms. And beyond them, there appeared to be millions of visible stars in the dark sky. The most Sherry has seen anywhere else in the world. A truly spectacular sight!

But she did not come all this way, on very dangerous roads, just to see these things (although, they are reason enough). She actually came to the top of Mauna Kea to be closer to Don’s star. Sherry bought the right to name a star after him. She bought it in the Constellation Aires, where the sun sets from March 21 to April 20 each year (the time of the year Don died). So when you are sad, thinking about Don’s death during this time of the year, look towards the sunset, and that’s where the star, “DON CAYETANO VIRAY” will be shining bright upon you, like your very own diamond in the sky.

STAR LOCATION:
Visual Magnitude Indicator: 10.4
Right Ascension: 3h 6m 19s
Declination: 19 degrees, 22 feet, 51 inches
Star Catalog Number: TYC 1228-1059-1

“At the end of this work week, please join Don’s immediate family (Leo, Luz, and Sherry) on (Friday, April 19, 2013), for a one year death anniversary grave site vigil for Don. It will be after the work day, but just before the cemetery closes (see sidebar for cemetery location) from 5:00 PM – 5:45 PM. Please come and visit Don and stay for the vigil, if you can.”

COMMENTS:
If you want to say something to Don or just want to leave a few words for his family, then please do leave a comment. This Website will remain live for as long as possible. You can comment as many times as you want as well as read the other comments people left behind. After which, we will print all the comments, and keep it with Don’s other memorabilia forever. Also note that the first post with 110 comments is full and can not accept anymore; please comment on the other posts.

All comments must first be approved before going live.

On a recent trip to the Big Island (aka Hawaii Island), Sherry (Don’s sister) decided to leave a mark for Don in the area of Kona, a touristy town that she found to be her “happy” place. So, after seeing the many signs and names written with white rocks against the abundant black rocks along all the roads, Sherry enthusiastically wanted to make one for Don, too. She decided to make Don’s symbol (also used as the icon for this Website) with the white rocks against the black lava rocks. Sometimes, these black rocks appear red-ish in color in certain light, but if you see them in person, they are definitively black.

After two days of looking for a perfect spot, Sherry found hers. Well, it’s not exactly the “perfect” spot, but it was good enough in a safe place. You have to actually drive on rough, unpaved road from the main highway to get to the spot, as we did not want to stop just on the shoulder of the road (which is dangerous and illegal). But the rough, unpaved road is flat and can be driven with a two wheel drive vehicle (she did).

SYMBOL LOCATION: Ocean side (“makai”), on highway 19 north bound (Queen Kaahumanu Highway), from Kona going to Waikoloa Resort, between mile markers 76-77.

 The empty canvas we started with.

Don’s symbol written with white rocks on top of black lava rocks.

Sherry (Don’s sister) posing next to the final product while wearing one of Don’s many t-shirts.

What Sherry truly wanted to do was spell out Don’s name. She gathered white rocks from Pine Tree Beach (local beach, excellent for surfing), after spending a few hours there with Gabriel (a local to the Big Island and also a gold star sibling). About two bags with white rocks were filled. Yet, with what she gathered, she was only able to make this medium-sized symbol, when she thought she could make a larger one. In fact, she had to “borrow” some white rocks from neighboring signs that you couldn’t make out anymore to make this one. The sun, already extremely hot, was made to feel even hotter because of the heat resonating from the black rocks. Even with good quality sneakers, the rocks were hard to walk on and made her ankles feel twisted causing them to hurt badly standing up.  Lifting the white rocks and placing them accordingly was labor intensive. Sherry wanted to spell D – O – N, but only got to write his symbol. She hopes to go back to Kona and finish the name and add a “D” to the left of the symbol, and an “N” to the right of it. Or, if anyone is there, maybe you can finish the name.

It’s undeniable that this is truly hard work with a lot of sweat and pain.

A true labor of love …… only for Don!

“Please join Don’s immediate family (Leo, Luz, and Sherry) on (Friday, April 19, 2013), for a one year death anniversary grave site vigil for Don. It will be after the work day, but just before the cemetery closes (see sidebar for cemetery location) from 5:00 PM – 5:45 PM. Come and visit Don and stay for the vigil, if you can.”

COMMENTS:
If you want to say something to Don or just want to leave a few words for his family, then please do leave a comment. This Website will remain live for as long as possible. You can comment as many times as you want as well as read the other comments people left behind. After which, we will print all the comments, and keep it with Don’s other memorabilia forever. Also note that the first post with 110 comments is full and can not accept anymore; please comment on the other posts.

All comments must first be approved before going live.

Alaska, the last frontier. And the one state (other than Hawaii) that Don wanted to live in (at least he considered it). Luckily he did make it here back in January of 2012. This was when the aircraft carrying personnel from his unit, had maintenance issues and consequently had to stop in Anchorage en route to Afghanistan.

About a year later, Sherry (Don’s sister) found a way to make it up here, too. It was the last place in the United States that Don saw alive. And a place he really liked. During his unplanned visit, Don said, “it’s nice here.” So, it was important to see this place in person. And what better way than with other surviving siblings at the T.A.P.S. sibling retreat. For about five days, surviving siblings of fallen service members gathered to ski/snowboard, snowshoe, build igloos and snowmen, dog sled, as well as watch the start of the Iditarod, compliments of the T.A.P.S. organization. It should be noted, that this trip was also a time to reflect upon the deaths of each sibling with others who understand this kind of loss. But most importantly, it needed to be a happy time (among many moments of sadness). In the end, Anchorage was indeed a “nice” place.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (T.A.P.S.) is, “a valuable resource that offers numerous grief support services and programs for loved ones and friends of deceased service members.”

Don Enjoying a Hot Beverage in Cold Anchorage, Alaska
January 2012

 * * * * *

 A Year Later, at the End of February to Early March 2013, Sherry (Don’s sister) Makes it to Anchorage, Alaska for the T.A.P.S. Sibling Retreat.

Surviving Siblings Rode in Style From the Airport.
Of Course, They Couldn’t All Fit in, So They Took Turns.

Amy (sibling to the late SOC (SEAL) Brian Bill) and Ben (sibling to the late CPO (SEAL) Nathan Hardy) with Sherry (Don’s sister) at Anchorage’s Benihana

Sherry (Don’s sister) with Gabriel (sibling to the late SGT Elijah Rao)
Sherry from Oahu and Gabriel from the Big Island Shows their Hawaiian Pride
at Chair 5 Restaurant in the Alyeska Resort

On a Coach Ride from the Alyeska Resort Going Back to Anchorage for the Iditarod, Participants of the T.A.P.S. Sibling Retreat 2013 Do Their Version of the Halrem Shake

“Please join Don’s immediate family (Leo, Luz, and Sherry) on (Friday, April 19, 2013), for a one year death anniversary grave site vigil for Don. It will be after the work day, but just before the cemetery closes (see sidebar for cemetery location) from 5:00 PM – 5:45 PM. Come and visit Don and stay for the vigil, if you can.”

DEFINITION:
A Gold Star Sibling is a sister or brother who has lost their sister or brother during service to their country.

COMMENTS:
If you want to say something to Don or just want to leave a few words for his family, then please do leave a comment. This Website will remain live for as long as possible. You can comment as many times as you want as well as read the other comments people left behind. After which, we will print all the comments, and keep it with Don’s other memorabilia forever. Also note that the first post with 110 comments is full and can not accept anymore; please comment on the other posts.

All comments must first be approved before going live.

The very talented artist, Charlotte Wiskow, of Fallen Hero Portraits spends a lot of her time helping mend the broken hearts of bereaved family members of America’s fallen heroes. She does so by painting portraits of these heroes in their likeness, which she in turns gives to the family members so that they take some comfort and consolation from her painting.

We were “lucky” that a few months ago, she agreed to do a portrait of Don, and now that we’ve been given the finished product, we couldn’t be more surprised and happy with what we received. On top of her hard work on the painting, she also had it framed and then personalized with Don’s name. The painting perfectly matches Don’s likeness. We understand that portraiture is one of the hardest paintings to do, and realize how blessed we are to have one of Don; it is something we will always treasure.

Charlotte says on her Website, “In creating these portraits for Gold Star families and other hero families it is my heartfelt wish that each painting will express our love and appreciation; and serve as a cherished keepsake of a courageous and precious life.” And for us, indeed it will.

Click to view Don’s biography on the artists’ Website.

A Painting Masterpiece.
Be a Sponsor to the Fallen Hero Portraits
Commission Charlotte to do a Painting for You
Request a Portrait of a Fallen Hero to be Made

Our sincerest hearth-felt gratitude goes out to
MLT Marketing Group in Rochester, MN
for sponsoring this painting of Don, so that we can have it.

* * * * *

COMMENTS:
If you want to say something to Don or just want to leave a few words for his family, then please do leave a comment. This Website will remain live for as long as possible. You can comment as many times as you want as well as read the other comments people left behind. After which, we will print all the comments, and keep it with Don’s other memorabilia forever. Also note that the first post with 110 comments is full and can not accept anymore; please comment on the other posts.

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Hawaii loves it’s military. They are a big part of the community. The military has a huge presence on Oahu alone, with all branches of service having at least one base on the island. It’s no surprise then that Hawaii is only one of three states who honors the fallen with a medal of honor award – the highest award the state of Hawaii can bestow to a service member. In fact, Hawaii was the first state to create such an award.

Today, the Hawaii Senate and House convened in joint session to present the Hawaii Medal of Honor awards to recognize the sacrifices of 19 military service members who were stationed in Hawaii and died last year (2012) in service to their country in the combat theater. All the honorees lost their lives from either Operation Iraqi Freedom or Operation Enduring Freedom (Afghanistan).  And of course, one of the honorees was our very own – Don.

Leo and Luz (Don’s parents), as well as Sherry (Don’s sister) accepted the award for him; Joy (Don’s girlfriend) also joined-in. The event itself was well attended. Politicians, including the governor, senators, and congress(wo)men were present. Generals from across the state with their spouses sat in the front.  Public seating in the mezzanine overlooking the Senate chamber was all but full, with some people standing the in back. A multi-branch Color Guard and the Royal Hawaiian Guard held up the colors.

The ceremony began with a Hawaiian chat blessings and the singing of the Star Spangled Banner and Hawai`i Pono`i (Hawaii state song), then ended with a 3-volley salute (aka 21 gun salute) and the playing of TAPS in the courtyard.

The Viray family (our family) uses this Website to publicly share news and information about Don, and rarely go to the media or any part of the public eye, otherwise. While we respectfully declined to be on camera, here’s a stolen shot of us in a video news CLIP of the event from KITV-4, with us in the end receiving the award for Don. Leo and Luz (Don’s parents) also did an interview with the Star Advertiser (not freely available online, however).

A Certificate Signed by All Members of the Hawaii Legislature
The Only Document That They All Sign (we were told)

Everyone was very gracious, particularly to our family, as Don was the only local service member (to the state of Hawaii) among the honorees. We are truly grateful for this award. And we thank the state of Hawaii for remembering the fallen.

Senator Kidani (our host) features us on her newsletter:
Apr 2013 Newsletter – Millilani-Waikele Newsletter (last page)

Don’s Immediate Family: Luz & Leo (Don’s parents) and Sherry (Don’s sister)

Luz (Don’s mom) Looking at the Packed Audience

Don’s Immediate Family: Sherry (Don’s sister), Luz & Leo (Don’s parents) with Senator Nishihara

Luz and Leo (Don’s parents) with
Representatives Aquino, Yamane, and Cullen

Shannon (Friend & Fellow Gold Star Sibling to the late 1LT Michael Cleary)
Came to Support Sherry (Don’s sister)

DEFINITION:
A Gold Star Sibling is a sister or brother who has lost their sister or brother during service to their country.

COMMENTS:
If you want to say something to Don or just want to leave a few words for his family, then please do leave a comment. This Website will remain live for as long as possible. You can comment as many times as you want as well as read the other comments people left behind. After which, we will print all the comments, and keep it with Don’s other memorabilia forever. Also note that the first post with 110 comments is full and can not accept anymore; please comment on the other posts.

All comments must first be approved before going live.

A-Company, 2-25 Aviation Regiment (known as the “Blackjacks“), is the first and only unit Don will ever have in his short-lived career as an Army BlackHawk (UH-60) helicopter pilot. This is also the only unit he will ever have in the regular active Army. The people here, in this unit, are among those he kept closest to him and the those who saw him last alive – an experience his family will always envy.

Friends, colleagues, and battle buddies; they are here among the Blackjacks.

 The Blackjacks Conquers All – making the wall their own.

Don is barely visible inside the helicopter (left side).
Photo courtesy of Biruk Abraham.

Enjoying some down time with Morales and Hansen (on the bottom right).

During the holidays with friends Neal and Wallick (right side).
Photo courtesy of Kyle Wallick.

On a plane and headed for deployment with friend Abraham (second from right).
Photo courtesy of A Co 2-25 Aviation Regiment

Talking with Ettleman before the Afghanistan deployment ceremony.

With Morales, and proud to be part of the 25th Infantry Division.

Eating in Maui during one of their training exercises & sitting between friends Haynes & Neal.

At Wheeler Army Airfield Wahiawa, Hawaii

Not sure what’s happening here, but it’s funny (photo taken in Iraq).

COMMENTS:
If you want to say something to Don or just want to leave a few words for his family, then please do leave a comment. This Website will remain live for as long as possible. You can comment as many times as you want as well as read the other comments people left behind. After which, we will print all the comments, and keep it with Don’s other memorabilia forever. Also note that the first post with 110 comments is full and can not accept anymore; please comment on the other posts.

All comments must first be approved before going live.

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (T.A.P.S.) is, “a valuable resource that offers numerous grief support services and programs for loved ones and friends of deceased service members.”  Sherry (Don’s sister) and Joy (Don’s girlfriend) attended their first ever T.A.P.S. event (a Hawai’i regional seminar), which was held mid Feburary of this year on O’ahu, at the Officer’s Club of the Kaneohe Marine Corps Base. Here we met other survivors within in our area. We shared our stories. And most importantly, we realized that we were not alone in our grief.

To end this weekend long seminar, we had a balloon ceremony where we wrote messages to our deceased loved ones, tied it on a balloon, and let it go. It was a great way to end an emotional weekend in this beautiful place. We hope that our messages find their way to Don.

Joy’s balloon in blue, waiting for her message.
Sherry’s balloon in red with message tied on tight, ready to send off.

The commander’s house at Kanehoe Marine Corps Base Hawai’i.
We walked a few hundred yards over from the Officer’s Club (where the seminar was being held) to his backyard to fly our balloons. Incidentally the flight line at the airfield was stopped for our balloon ceremony. The Marines were very grateful and accommodating to our needs.
The view (golf course and the Pacific ocean) from the commander’s backyard, where we flew our balloons; not too shabby for military housing!

Joy & Dennis (on Joy’s right) ready to fly their balloons & messages. Sherry and Joy flew balloons for Don, while Dennis flew for Nick (co-pilot of Diamond Head 20 – 296)

 Lots of balloons from lots of participants. 

Up, up and away they went … to the heavens! 
T.A.P.S. Founder and President, Bonnie Carroll (second from left)
Guest Speaker, Darcie Sims, PhD, CHT, CT, GMS (second from right)

COMMENTS:
If you want to say something to Don or just want to leave a few words for his family, then please do leave a comment. This Website will remain live for as long as possible. You can comment as many times as you want as well as read the other comments people left behind. After which, we will print all the comments, and keep it with Don’s other memorabilia forever. Also note that the first post with 110 comments is full and can not accept anymore; please comment on the other posts.

All comments must first be approved before going live.